SALEM, MA—Today, SimpleBits® LLC announced the acquisition of Simple Type Co. in a blockbuster deal that brings two extremely connected and confusingly-similar brands (run by the same person) now under one roof.
“We’re really excited to bring the Simple Type Co. fonts and goods shop we made to SimpleBits, which, uh…we also made,” said Founder, Dan Cederholm, who has a habit of creating unnecessary brands for things he creates, only to stupidly realize those missteps later.
“They say Spring is a time of renewal and new growth,” added Cederholm, an admittedly fickle and restless designer who constantly second guesses everything he does at the expense of annoying anyone who follows his work.
“But we have a feeling it’s actually a time for fonts. And, um…brand consolidation.”
In an incredibly serendipitous coincidence, Cederholm also owns Simple Type Co.—the tiny type foundry and goods shop he launched in January—even though he already had an established brand in SimpleBits, a design company that’s been around for more than twenty years.
“What the hell was I thinking? I found out the hard way I’m too old to manage double the amount of social media accounts, newsletters, domains, etc. only to make things more confusing. I really messed up,” said Cederholm, who has a history of making things and then hoping they just market themselves.
“Sometimes trying to be simple is really @$%!ing complex,” the embarrassed, idiotic, self-employed imposter quipped, wiping away what looked to be a single tear.
You can now visit a single brand, SimpleBits®, for all the fonts, goods, and design shenanigans—as well as any of Cederholm’s future missteps. And you can be dang sure there will be more of those.
“Wasn’t that the way it was, like, even a few months ago?” Someone shouted at the press conference. Cederholm just seemed to recoil in horror, ignoring the question.
UPDATE: Details of the deal were not confirmed, but there are reports that Cederholm took himself out for a celebratory steak dinner.
“Gonna expense this one to one of my companies—Wait, there’s just one now…” he mumbled, trailing off with a touch of bewildered sadness in his eyes. Reports of Cederholm scribbling multiple new brand names and logos on a cocktail napkin during the meal could not be corroborated.