It was almost a year ago exactly that I wrote about the passing of my Dad. I had shared just a handful of memories of what he had taught me over the years. I’d like to use that same framework for my Mom who passed away on August 6. She also taught me an immense amount in her own way. My brother Matt and I were so fortunate to have two incredibly kind and loving parents—something that, as I get older, I realize isn’t a given for everyone. I am grateful.

My Mom taught me how to shop

What a way to kick off a rememberance. But really, my mom loved to shop and I’ve inherited that skill. I’ll call it a skill because Mom knew quality. She loved things made by hand. By real people. Things that were made well and lasted. Growing up, I would always be up for shopping with mom. She would usually lure me with a treat of some kind. At the grocery store, I’d sit in the basket and she’d start the shopping by letting me eat 2 caramels while she pushed me and the food around the store. As I look back, I can’t confirm with certainty if Mom actually paid for those caramels at the checkout. Though I’m sure she did.

So I would shop with Mom. To the farmer’s market in Vermont where she’d let me eat an entire loaf of French bread, or even JCPenney, where I’d hide in the circular clothing racks as if I was journeying to Narnia.

Mom liked to shop because she grew up quite poor. She told us one year at Christmas all she received was an orange. What her family didn’t have in possessions was clearly offset by an abundance of love and caring. It was because of this upbringing that Mom took traditions like Christmas very seriously. She was a holiday professional. Somehow, on a minister’s budget in the 1980s, she and Dad managed to spoil Matt and I every holiday. And later, spoiling their grandkids as well. Her decorating was legendary—and I’m grateful my partner Melissa shares that passion: Decorating to make people smile.

My mom taught me how to worry

But hang on, there’s a positive here I promise. Mom had no problem telling anyone, even strangers, how she was feeling. “I’m a worrier,” she’d say. I certainly inherited the worrying. But through the worry and anxiety, I learned from Mom that it was important to let go of the things you can’t control. “This too shall pass”, she would say. Mom had these sayings that were indelible trademarks. I believe she learned many of them from her Mother and Father.

She would also say, “Mind your checks”, which essentially meant: Trust your gut and don’t let anyone tell you to feel otherwise. It was this ethos that I believe enabled Mom to be a champion for whatever path Matt and I decided to take. Always 100% supportive, even if we stumbled or meandered in getting there.

Anyway, being open about how you’re feeling and admitting that you’re not in control and being okay with that—That’s not easy. It’s an important skill to have and I thank Mom for reminding me throughout the years. She was a worrier—but that did nothing to deter her steadfast optimism.

My Mom taught me to love ice cream

I think it was her favorite thing. Besides Dad, maybe. During the summer of 1984, I bought soft serve ice cream from the Taft Dairy Bar in White River Jct., Vermont down the street from our house 32 days in a row. I scrounged change and Mom spotted me the rest each day. Is that bad parenting? I don’t think so.

About 10 years ago she discovered a specific brand of Minty Chip ice cream that she loved She had Dad bring a large cooler in the car and they went to several local stores to buy out all of it for fear of it selling out. Dad was forever supportive of whatever Mom wanted or needed. Nana passed down that love of ice cream not only to me, but to my kids, Jack and Tenley.

My Mom taught me how to cool down fast

I’ll bet you didn’t foresee getting a life hack in this post, but here it is: If you’re feeling overheated (and boy do I always feel that way these days) run your wrists under the cold water in the sink. It works. Her Dad taught her that. I didn’t get to meet her Dad, our grandfather, Walter, as he passed away when Mom was young. But clearly he had a massive impact on Mom and her family, and in turn, a massive impact on ours. I believe it was Walter who inspired Dad to go to seminary and become a minister.

My Mom taught me how to sloth out

But that has a double meaning. Mom was pretty good at slowing down and taking time to simply “be”. That’s a polite way of saying “sloth”. But also, one day, maybe 6 years ago or so, Mom and Dad came up to Salem for a surprise visit. Their visits were rarely surprises, but this one was random and special. They came bearing a large stuffed animal sloth. His name is Flash. Mom loved stuffed animals and simply wanted to drive from Plymouth to Salem to deliver Flash to our family. That was it. I’ll always remember that as a great example of Mom’s unconditional giving and unconditional love to others.

My Mom taught me about power

Growing up, I would always notice how mom said a particular line of the Lord’s Prayer: “For thine is the kingdom, the POWER, and the glory, for ever and ever”. She always put extra emphasis on the word “power” and kind of squeezed her hands tighter. As a kid, that really registered with me. That somehow mom knew that positive energy could defeat any darkness and it carried her. That idea was always more spiritual than religious to me, and I loved that it could be universal to anyone and everyone. She had unwavering faith in the good and positivity that she knew could and would ultimately prevail. That’s given me a lot of comfort these past few difficult years.

Thank you, Mom, for all you have taught me. You and Dad are part of that power now. I love you.

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