Archive for ‘humor’ category

Handcrafted Haiku Winners Announced

Well, we loved them all, and agonized over choosing two winners to receive a ticket to next month’s Handcrafted CSS workshop. But decide we did!

Winner #1 is @wilto, waxing poetic about a place we’ve all been, surely:

IE6 lives on.
Box model—and heart—broken.
position: fetal;

And Winner #2 is @squaregirl , who in three perfectly penned lines reminds us of the importance of validation during development:

Curly braces sound cute.
Until you leave one out. Oops!
I fracked my stylesheet.

Congrats to the winners! And thanks again to the fine folks at Campaign Monitor for sending them to the workshop. Which, by the way, is only a little over two weeks away. Spaces are being filled up, so grab a ticket and join us in Salem, won’t you?

Way #24

For the second year in-a-row, Drew McLellan has put together another excellent 24 Ways — an advent calendar of helpful web articles written by fine folks from all over the web.

To cap off this year’s set, I’ve contributed Gravity-Defying Page Corners, a simple little trick for adding dimension to a plain ol’ box. It also might the first (and after reading you’ll probably be thinking “hopefully last“) web tutorial written in verse. It’s corny for sure, but fun to write and hopefully read. Many thanks to Drew for wrapping up 48 presents to us all.

Reasons I Like Twitter

  • I am a sporadic IM’r. At times, I find it incredibly distracting. Twitter is like the lazy-person’s IM. Post if you want to, listen if you want to. Or not.
  • The character limit. For SMS of course — but limitations can often nurture creativity.
  • Learning things about your pals that you otherwise would never hear. As mundane as they might be.
  • Half conversations: “@dude55: you are so totally right on, and I believe what you just said was the most poignant, important, compelling sentence that has ever been posted to the internets.” I sure wish I had a friend named dude55.
  • It’s lucky enough to have an “e”.
  • It’s simple, focused and immediate.
  • Because blogging requires too much time and thought.
  • Yes damnit, I do want to know when you go to bed, or when you’re eating a burrito.

Reasons I Enjoy Flying

# The roominess of it all.
# The food.
# The idle time while standing upright.
# Duty-free shopping (clue me in here, does anyone actually take advantage of this?)
# Pre-completed Sudoku puzzles.
# “The elbow room”:http://www.simplebits.com/notebook/2005/04/18/elbow.html
# Month-old episodes of 60 Minutes.
# The comforting feeling of being in complete control.
# Free airport wi-fi.
# Adjustable air nozzles.
# Watching someone attempt to close the overhead bin at least 15 times before giving up and letting the attendant deal with it.
# Ear-popping fun.
# Cab rides.
# Quality reflection time.
# Fumes.

The Raisin Has Ruined the Oatmeal Cookie

This evening, my wife baked an epic batch of oatmeal cookies. Let me explain why they were so good: there were no raisins in sight. The raisin has plagued the oatmeal cookie like a parasite, stifling its untapped potential as a (if not the) premier baked good of our generation.

Contrary to what you’ve probably heard, a raisin is nothing more than a shriveled grape. And its inclusion here just oozes controversy. Like a concerted front against the oatmeal farmers (?) of the world. “How do we ruin the oatmeal cookie? We’ll add dried, shriveled, rubbery fruit to it. Good. It’s settled then”.

It’s why we don’t see oatmeal cookies more often, and it’s also why the oatmeal cookie isn’t as popular as other, non-fruit-bearing treats. Smart bakers will often utilize the “chocolate chip switch”, swapping chocolate chips for raisins. Brilliant. The recipe adjustment might have done more harm than good however, due to the visual similarity between chocolate chips and raisins when they’re sitting in the finished cookie. I can never be sure whether they’re chocolate chips or raisins, and there’s no way I’m taking the chance. It’s now preferred to substitute peanut butter or butterscotch chips to avoid confusion.

Bottom line is this: leave out the raisins and start enojying a pretty darn good (if under-appreciated) cookie.

Reasons I’ve Purchased a Gillette Fusion

  1. It has 5 blades.
  2. It has 5 +1 blades (not 6… 5+1. Never say that it has 6 blades. Ever.).
  3. The Fusion has more blades than any other razor, therefore it is superior.
  4. It works better than the previous 3-blade version.
  5. Because I knew it was inevitable.
  6. It gives me an interesting and riveting topic to write about.

Reasons I’ve Purchased a Ukulele

  1. It’s compact, portable, and easy to play while holding a baby.
  2. Babies enjoy songs played on the yookalayli.
  3. It’s easy to spell.
  4. Hawaii.
  5. It’s snowing outside.
  6. It stays in tune.
  7. An electric guitar is heavy, too loud, and potentially dangerous to operate while holding a baby.
  8. It’s just like playing the guitar.
  9. It’s a fun, new instrument to learn.
  10. It supports CSS3.

For those now chomping at the bit to share in the excitement, I’ve found a relatively clear and concise beginner’s guide to the ukulele. Join the revolution.

Film Critic

Here’s something I view as a serious design flaw. It involves food packaging, so buckle up. There’s a standard for containing goopy, spreadable foods and it usually takes the form of a short, round, plastic tub with a re-sealable lid. Hummus, salsa, and feta cheese are a few products that come to mind that share this type of packaging.

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The Penny

Earlier today, I purchased a one-gallon jug of spring water from a local convenience store. The total came to $1.29. I handed over $1.30, then silently waited for my single penny to be returned. It never came. Apparently the clerk was unaware of the optional “courtesy thank you” that a customer can say that means “keep the change”. I didn’t give the “courtesy thank you” on this particular visit, and it took me a minute to realize that I wasn’t getting my penny back. And that was OK. I turned and walked out with my jug of water that I had just paid $1.30 for.

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